Sunday, 3 January 2010
I'm Tired...
I'm tired of dreaming of you, every time that i do i Wake up and feel lIke you have been able to once again tear my heart to shredS. i thougHt that you loved me, I know that i loveD you. there were so many things that I wanted us to Do. i tried to be what you Needed me to be, i wanted to be There, i hated moving from you, it really waSn'T fair. I know that i'm bitter, i know it's not fair, but at this moment in time i reaLLy don't care. it turned out i didn't know you, it turned out that i was wrong, i went and got my heart broken, i thought it might happen alL alOng. you always seemed distracted, you always weren't completely there; you always had walls around you, i told myself i didn't care. i wonder if i pushed you? if what i said was wrong. was there something i could haVe done differEnt? something that would have made You stay? i remember the conversatiOn that we had one day, aboUt love and hoW it was lIke a walL, that if i wanted it to be strong and last forever then using toothpaste for mortar would be rather a useless idea, i guess our walL was made like that, not strong enough to hold against what was coming at it. i'm glad things seem to Be working out for yUu, and thaT really Is the truth, you are getting to all the places that i wanteD tO go with you. i'll stop writting this now, before it gets much sadder, i know you will never see this post and that really doesnt matter, mostly i think you will find dear sir that it is useless pratter.
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just my opinion, take it with a grain of salt..
ReplyDeletenow as it is now, may not seem to be the perfect moment that it is, where you want to find a partner, someone that loves you, someone that cares for you, someone to listen to you, someone that believes in you
to me it seems that this person was not the one for you in that walls do not support a partnership. partnerships require work and communication and perhaps this was for you to experience the low in a relationship, so that later, when you experience the high, you will cherise it that much more.
i believe in you. i know you are a wonderful and amazing person, though i have yet to meet you in the physical sense.
these may not be the words for you in this now, perhaps they are meant for a later now. if they help, wooohooo! if not, let me know so i can try another avenue.
be well
Treasure the intensity of passion, whether it be love, remorse, anger, or betrayal. They are what make us human. They are what make us feel alive. Time heals all wounds but that is only because the sad fact that all memories die. Someday you will read your own words as if they were written by someone else... because they were. Embrace today, be it happy or sad.
ReplyDeleteYou two are two Very wise men. I hope that Josie realises this as she grows up. I appreciate the words that you wrote to me then, and you both were right. He wasnt worth the tears and it did take me along time to realise that. It also took more betraying of my trust and the love of a real man.
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